It’s been ages since I posted here. So I thought I would make a big ol’ update on the state of my universe.

Ya see I have been going through a lot of soul searching and pondering over the past few months. And have decided to make film my career. As both of you know, after a period of inactivity I decided (as I often do) to make something on a whim. I wrote a movie called “Drop Off” and went about attempting to throw it together over two weekends. We shot a full days worth and I once again played my role of director,cinematographer, pretty much everything (except for sound thanks to my good friend Mike Diaz). And as I edited the footage together I began to realize that it wasn’t very good. Now don’t get me wrong, I have come a very VERY long way from my early days of film making. The stuff I did cut together wasn’t awful. But it wasn’t perfect. And for the first time in forever I found myself very unsatisfied with the end product and completely aware why. I’m just done doing everything myself. As amateur film makers, we are all aware of doing everything ourselves. Some aspect of it is fun and incredibly useful. You learn a lot when you have no one to turn to to make your ideas reality. But film is inherently a collaborative art form, and so it’s silly to try and keep going, asking as little of the folks around you as possible. I have always found it extremely difficult to ask for help. I don’t want to imposition anybody. Now if you asked everyone involved in the Drop Off shoot, I’m sure they would say they had a lovely time. It’s all in my head for sure. The world is full of passionate and giving people who would gladly sacrifice their time for a friend or collaborator. And it’s the amateur mindset I’ve held onto that has come to hold me back.

When Mark and I worked on Get Back, it was the first time we sought out actors and crew. And it was the most fun I ever had. But it came at a time in my life where I wasn’t ready to devote myself. I was in a bad marriage and just wasn’t in a good head space. Things are better now though, and the more time passes, the more ready I am to give it a go. I want to be part of the process. I don’t need to be the driving force. I want to learn and grow and hopefully one day get to a place where I can once again lead. But I need to kind of grow up and take those steps. Swallow my pride a little and earn it. I have no idea where to start, but for the first time I think I’m ready.

haha it all sounds so dramatic. But for me it is a big step. And hopefully I can get something in motion. But regardless, I’m here for you guys. I can edit, shoot, composite, whatever. And I would challenge you guys to not do everything yourself. Even if you can. Let go a little. And hopefully, we can all move on to better things ;)

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